Does God Want You Alone?

BY: Deana Bell, Director, Restored Marriage

In the very early days of our marital separation, I was desperate. Like most people, everything felt hard and sad. The first time I went out to a Target store after our split and saw a cute family of three smiling and shopping, I lost it in the bread section. I almost walked back out of the store and went home, but I knew that I would eventually have to face my greatest fears.
 
I got myself composed, did my shopping, and went home—home alone to an empty house. No kids. No husband. No pets. I felt myself starting to sulk when I thought, "Maybe I should call a friend to cheer me up?" I tried a few of my closest friends, and none of them answered, so I sulked and ended up going to sleep early that night.
 
The very next week, my husband and I disagreed while on the phone. I felt ripped into and hung up the telephone, mad and discouraged. I hadn't yet learned to fight the enemy with the Word. Again, I tried to call a few friends, but no one picked up. I sulked and fell asleep early again.
 
The following week I began to believe a lie. Even though my husband told me that he was not leaving me for someone else, I doubted him. It only made sense to me in the flesh. Why in the world would someone leave unless there was someone else waiting in the wings for them? I got a call from a friend who I hadn't spoken to in years. She saw something I posted on Facebook that tipped her off that I might be headed toward divorce.
 
I told her the shortened version of our story, and she agreed that my husband probably had another woman waiting for him, but he wasn't willing to divulge that yet. She suggested that it might be bad for him when the attorneys got involved and that he would probably hide it until the divorce was final. She suggested that if I was curious, I should hire a private investigator.
 
I knew that I certainly didn't have the money for that, but my friend said she knew someone who might do it for free. This suggestion felt very tempting to me, but something was telling me to tell her, "no." I did so but later kept wondering if I had made the wrong decision.
 
The weight of the separation and impending divorce became heavier and heavier over a short period of time.
 
Finally, one day, I broke down, called another friend to get some clear advice. I will NEVER forget her words to me that day…
 
She said, "Maybe God wants to get you alone. You've been reaching out to everyone for their advice, but have you asked the Lord what He thinks?"
 
Her words didn't even sting, because I was SO convicted that she was absolutely right. I hadn't even considered asking the Lord.
 
My friend quickly prayed for me, and we hung up the phone.
 
I remember falling to my knees on my living room floor, crying out to the Lord for His forgiveness. How had I missed such an important step, like asking the Lord first?
 
(I was weeping, so sad that I had disappointed the Lord.) After I asked for His forgiveness, I could feel the warm presence of the Holy Spirit in the room.
 
I felt comforted, forgiven, and safe.
I felt heard, known, and loved.
 
The very next day, I called my friend to thank her for her correction. I was so humbled and thankful that she had had the unction of the Holy Spirit to correct me. I told her that the Lord had given me a strict Word about hiring a PI. (Romans 8:6 "So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death but letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace." NLT) and that I felt a sense of peace about believing what my husband had said about the involvement of another woman.
 
What was absolutely vital was that I learned an important lesson that day…
 
Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take."
 
If you lean on the words of man, you will make a man your God. If you depend on God, you don't need anyone else. God never leaves us. He's never too busy. He never chooses to ignore your call. He is the only one who will always be there no matter what.
 
It's ok if you haven't learned this lesson yet. We are all at different stages of healing and restoration. I am so thankful that I learned this lesson early. Making God my God puts everything in its right order. It keeps me on the path of righteousness. It turns me in the right direction. It keeps me looking up. It keeps me strengthened and joyful, despite my circumstances.
 
Today, if you are being convicted that you, too, have leaned on man and not God, all you need to do is repent right now. From your heart, repent and turn from your ways. That means pausing the next time you feel like picking up the phone. That means taking things slow and waiting for God's response to your problem. That means seeking God first for ALL of your circumstances, even if you know the answer will not be what you want to hear.
 
Get alone with God.
I promise you; you will never regret it.