Healed Marriage Testimony

Many years ago, in my youth, I was married and had two sons. Having been raised in a Christian environment, my views on marriage were all about fidelity. For that reason, my first marriage failed. He simply did the unthinkable and in a knee jerk reaction, I divorced. That was my first marriage. He is now deceased.

For many years I remained single until I met Gary. We loved furiously and fought just as passionately. Both of us were Christians but were without a compass on how to navigate through the turbulence that mostly came from our respective families.

Finally, after many battles and leavings, Gary left for good. A few days into this separation I looked for Christian counseling and a way to pray it through. I couldn’t find it. My church offered counseling and I took it for a time. Ultimately, it was counseling me to divorce. I booked three appointments with different pastors that I knew, and they also told me to divorce and find a nice Christian man. What followed was a quiet resignation to our failure and we proceeded to divorce. Gary was in fact encouraging me to end it legally and so, with a heavy heart, I actually filed for my own divorce. When I filed the final set of papers, I did so as a solo individual. I was the only one who saw the divorce papers…Gary never did.

I think that may have been a crucial point in this journey. God the Father said in Malachi 2:16, “For I hate divorce.” Jesus and God are of one mind on all issues so I would have to say that nothing in this regard has changed. Today, I see adultery as a reason to forgive.

The day I filed, I went around the government offices and changed my name back. I was one angry woman. When I got home, I hit the floor in tears for what I had done. That night I searched the internet. Somewhere in my soul I knew there was another answer for us.

I found a ministry that supported my thoughts on developing a relationship with God first. I also contacted Covenant Keepers. It helped to solidify my resolve to restore this marriage.

I knew God was a God of restoration. I also knew He loved me more than I could ever imagine. I began a process of praying in my walk-in closet with the lights off…sitting on a stool or sometimes falling on my face with a towel for the tears. I was deeply ashamed of my behavior and confessed it to God first and then wrote a number of letters to family members, asking for forgiveness. Not everyone was on board with it either, as a few letters came back with some hurtful words. But because God was deeply involved in this process, none of it hurt me. One of the tough letters went to Gary, where I admitted my weaknesses. It was painfully honest and quite humble.

Gary had met another woman and that, too, did not bother me. I had not been pristine in that area either but had resolved that was not to be my path. I prayed it down daily and repented as I melted in the arms of my Lord. I knew He held all of my tears in a bottle. How precious was that?Then I got a letter from Gary. Almost a year had passed since we separated. His life was not going all that well. His words were short. I answered him briefly but knew I had to get out of his way if we were going to have a chance at all. So, on a few occasions, I just told him to do what he felt was right…stopping my controlling ways and allowing him to experience what he felt was important.

Eventually, Gary could see the change in me. Yes, people can change with God. It is the only way. God broke my spirit and my pride and humbled my haughty attitude.

When I, the bride, was ready God revealed me in a totally out of the way place…a flea market. Gary kissed my cheek and we embraced. And in those moments, God knew more about what was going on than I did. I trusted Him with my life. A few weeks later, Gary asked me for a date to go up to Muskoka Bible Center and I agreed to go…as friends. That was really hard. We walked into the chapel and listened to a sermon on marriage!

God's hand was in all of it. We never left one another after that day. God spoke into our hearts and we trusted Him totally. We married on the date He whispered in our ears and ever since then, I only go to God with my concerns.

We are a miracle. Make no mistake about it. I believe God is in charge. I prayed fiercely from the Psalms and in particular, Psalm 51. I also read aloud 2 Corinthians 4:7 (we are jars of clay, hard pressed on every side. We are broken but not destroyed…) and I loved to read the Invocation of St. Patrick.

As I arise today,
may the strength of God pilot me,
the power of God uphold me,
the wisdom of God guide me.
May the eye of God look before me,
the ear of God hear me,
the word of God speak for me.
May the hand of God protect me,
the way of God lie before me,
the shield of God defend me,
the host of God save me.
May Christ shield me today.
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit,
Christ when I stand,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
Amen.

It drew me closer to God first and then to know myself. There is a spirit about us humans that is like a homing beacon to the Father. He always knows of our plights. The journey is individual, and the outcomes varied, but I can say for certain that you will know the Love of God and experience His joy in your heart forever. For me the divorce was not the tragedy, but it was the intended trial for my life. I asked for the fires of refinement often and felt the pain. Then finally the veil was lifted, and I could see the purpose for my life.

Many blessings to those who seek the face of God first and then to know and learn of His massive character. There is something new to know every day as He lavishes His love on the seeker. I wish for all, what I have found.