A God of Many Names

BY: TIffany Bull, CK Group Leader

Stephen and I got married six months after meeting each other.  A few days after the wedding, I remember asking my Heavenly Father, "God, why did I marry him?" I heard clearly, "Because You are going to bring him back to Me." Little did I know that the way I would do this with Jesus would be through standing in the gap for Stephen and our covenant marriage with God.

Looking back at our earlier years, we never prayed or read the Bible together.  We just lived our lives together for ourselves without Jesus at the center of it all.  My experience with Jesus was just that, mine alone with Jesus.  Stephen was not a part of that relationship.  I would describe my relationship with the Father in Heaven as luke-warm and not as intimate as it should have been, primarily since I had known of my Lord and Savior Elohim (God) all my life.  In the earlier years of our marriage, I was a stay-at-home mom.  It got lonely being home. Sometimes I would spend my time dwelling on negative thoughts of Stephen instead of putting on the garment of Jesus.  Complaining inwardly about the things I would like for him to do better or improve as a husband, I wanted him to fulfill all these needs that a person cannot achieve. I expected Stephen to meet all my needs due to loneliness and the fact that my relationship with God was not where it was supposed to be. Bitterness was developing in my heart towards him instead of setting my eyes on El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty).

Back then, I did not realize that God wanted to be a part of my marriage.  One day I heard the audible voice of God say to me, "Tiffany, come and sit with Me." Too busy filling my life with everything but El Olam (The Everlasting God), I am so embarrassed to say that I snapped back at Him saying, "Not now, I am busy; wait until after I have completed my finals." Well, the very next day, after I had proudly graduated with my Master's Degree, I found out that my husband of eleven years had committed adultery and did not want to be married to me anymore.  

This news was very devastating!  Little did I know that this was the beginning of a fruitful journey in my life.  Instead of chasing after accolades, I started really getting to know my God. This time it was an intimate relationship with Jehovah Mekoddishkem (The Lord Who Sanctifies You).  This time I did not allow distractions to keep me from dwelling with Yeshua.  Our Father in heaven is so gentle.  All this time, He was trying to get my attention, and I was ignorant about what a covenant marriage looked like or what being a godly wife meant in God's eyes.  I remember beginning to listen more to God's voice.

As my desire to be with my Heavenly Father grew, I was delivered from the bitterness I held on to for years towards my husband.  There was now a new type of agape love for Stephen growing in my heart.  God now revealed Himself to me as Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There).  He was there with me through the shame, hurt, and sorrow that came with the sin of adultery.  Stephen never left our home.  He lived life for himself and not for God.  For me to live with my double-minded husband, God had to teach me not to judge. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37)

It took a long time to realize that God was training me to be a godly wife.  I did not do everything correctly, but I knew that I was not to live each day, arguing and fighting with my husband.  Every battle I took to God in prayer.  Living with a prodigal husband in peace meant I had to continually control my thoughts and make them obedient and pleasing to the Lord instead of judging and complaining.  Only then was I able to walk in love, serving the Lord, and being used by Yeshua while I prayed for Stephen's heart to become softened.  An important lesson that I was learning on this journey was to choose to be thankful to the Lord for what He is doing on the other side of the mountain. Silently looking on from the sidelines, Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There) was right beside me, drawing me back to Him while the storm raged all around my marriage and home.

God guided me through the hurting. I was making my life full of the things of God even more than ever before.  El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty) was becoming the central aspect of my life, not what Stephen had done and was still doing in the season of standing for our marriage.  Stephen never discussed nor wanted to talk about his extramarital affairs.  During the years, God softened my heart, and I learned how to forgive seventy times seven.  I learned to love the sinner and hate the sin.   Divorce crossed my mind once or twice, so I began to seek God's face on the subject of divorce in the Bible.  Instead of complying with Stephen's request for a convenient divorce, I heard my Father in Heaven say, "I am Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)." He began to show just how much of a banner He would be over my stand as long as I keep my trust in Him alone.  With God's help, I had discovered Covenant Keepers and began to witness the advantage I had over the enemy as long as I fought the good fight of faith alongside my Lord and Savior.  Just as Israel had power over Amalek, as long as Moses watched the battle from a vantage point with his staff aloft, I now was like Moses because I had my fellow Covenant Keepers helping me keep my hands up high as I trusted God for restoration.  

As a banner, the rod of God was and still is with me in my stand for my covenant husband.  The presence and power of Jehovah was the banner under which I enlisted all the days when Stephen would not come home until the early hours of the morning night after night.  Day in and day out, our son Ethan and I were tucked safely away under Jehovah Raah (The Lord My Shepherd).

Seeking God as our Shepherd, Ethan, and I entered into a new level of identity in Christ Jesus.
We came to understand what Psalm 23:1 says, that we do not lack anything.  In 2008, our son Ethan gave his life to Christ.  Stephen looked on from the sidelines but never engaged in our new lifestyle filled with righteousness in Christ Jesus.  Whenever he was home, he was there in the flesh but not in the spirit.  This was very hard at first, but the Lord guided my path. Worship was and still is how I keep my eyes off of the circumstances in my marriage.  This journey had shown me that only then could we prosper in all things when I truly began to live for Christ.  

Because God is my Shepherd," He maketh me to lie down in green pastures." Oh, was I lying down in green pastures!  My mother financially provided for Ethan and me to go on family vacations abroad with her and my sister's family three years in a row.  Even though Stephen was withholding funds from the household, God provided for us.  We lacked nothing. Ethan attended a private high school near our home, where he thrives and is non-apologetic about his God.   We continue to live with Jesus as our Cornerstone, and we stand in the gap for Stephen.  3 John 1:2 was playing out in our lives: "Beloved, I pray you to prosper concerning all things and to be in good health, just as your soul prospers." Our gracious Father prospers us when we are working on our assignment to advance His kingdom.  My obedience to restoration opened the way for God the Father to heal me and prosper me as I sought after the things He desired for my life.

As I remember, there was a peace of God that surpassed all understanding at home, but the joy was lacking.  I cried out to God to fill my heart with joy despite my circumstances.  In this season, God indeed revealed himself to me as Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals).  Psalm 23:3 says, "He restores my soul." Being silent while your husband lives in sin before your very eyes is exhausting, both physically and emotionally.  But depression was the first to go.  No more did I have a black cloud over my head in the morning when I woke up from sleep.  It was challenging to get used to Stephen entering the home all hours of the early morning.  I am still uncomfortable with these actions even now.  We live each day, never knowing when he will be home.  After a while, there was no more crying about the affair. Spiritually I was learning that the Lord is my Shepherd.  I can lay my burdens on Him.  God gave me rest for my weary soul.  Soaking in His presence took all the responsibility of the failed marriage off my shoulders.  Instead, I laid them at the foot of the cross daily.  He is continuing to restore and renew my soul.  

As the years passed by, I saw signs of healing in Stephen.  The verbal abuse came to a halt—no more negative outbursts of cruel words from my husband to me.  The enemy tries to steal my hope at times, yet I choose to believe in Christ.  Stephen is now very verbal about what a great mother I am to his son but continues to show no interest in restoring our marriage.  I do not keep up with Stephen's life outside our home anymore, but with God's grace, I started loving my husband unconditionally no matter what he does. At this point in my stand, I find joy and peace each day waiting with expectancy.  Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace) has blessed me with so much of His peace to function daily as a mother, a functioning employee, a volunteer within my church and community, and a thriving Covenant Keepers leader.  God truly is El Elyon (The Most High God) over my life.    

Romans 4:17 says to speak life. "As it is written, I have made you the father of many nations. [He was appointed our father] in the sight of God in Whom he believed, Who gives life to the dead and speaks of the nonexistent things that [He has foretold and promised] as if they [already] existed." I continue to see His work of restoration for my family.  God wants to see this marriage as a vessel of honor to Him so that He alone can receive the glory.  Now each day, I live for Christ and speak over my husband's life and call him to be the man God has created him to be.  I continue to do this until I see the manifestation in his life.  

During the years, God has undoubtedly been faithful.  This journey has brought me to a place where God is enough.  At this point, all I have is Jesus, and this is good.  Isaiah 43:19-19 says, "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." His promises are yes and amen.  Psalm 107:35 says, "He turns a wilderness into a pool of water and dry ground into water springs." It has begun.  Only God can make all things new.   Keep watching the road, for my prodigal husband is coming home.